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#TBH: I’m In Love With My Sister’s Fiancé

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Welcome! You’re reading #TBH, a series of dilemmas ranging from love, sex, money and all things sticky sent for candid advice.

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I love my husband but he has never been ‘my person’. He’s caring, supportive and super thoughtful with everything he does which makes this worse. We met at a friend’s house party 4 years ago, and we got married last year in April.

It’s been bliss I promise, but we’re not friends. The sex is great, our families love each other, and he’s a good man, but we find it difficult to connect.

We don’t talk about our emotions, insecurities, or things that really matter. It’s always let’s go to this event and network, let’s buy this , or let’s go on this vacation. Everything is planned and picture-perfect but it always feels like something is missing, there’s no spark

I had a miscarriage last Christmas and when I finally cried about it months after being numb, he told me I was overreacting and that “we’d make another one”.

Why did I marry him? Like I said, he’s a good man and I felt like it made sense because he checked all the boxes, plus I think everyone’s excitement around me about it played a part. And now I’ve hurt him.

We have this barbeque at our house every year to catch up with family and friends, and at the last one, my sister-in-law announced her engagement to my first love. When they entered the house together, my chest felt tight and I was in shock.

We both acted as if we didn’t know each other so I figured it made sense to keep the same energy. One day, he invited me for lunch at Cafeteria in VI to catch up and we couldn’t stop reminiscing. He remembered every single detail about me, from my obsession with fried plantain to the weird dimple on my back that he used to play with.

We talked about how much we’ve grown, how proud we are of each other and the 5 years we dated on and off. He hasn’t changed…his beautiful brown eyes, rose pink lips and mischievous smile.

He was my first everything and things were amazing with him until he and his family relocated. The catch ups became regular behind everyone’s back and one day, we had sex on my couch when my husband was on a work trip. It felt cosmic, my body did things it hadn’t done in years and I felt like I was seen and loved.

My problem now is that I am willing to hurt everyone involved and get with him. We’ve talked about it before but am I being stupid?


Do you have a similar dilemma to share? Send an email to tobehonestwithcnb@gmail.com to be featured on #tobehonestwithCnB

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